“Live deep,” Thoreau wrote in Walden.
For me, living deep means talking deep with women.
I want no question, topic, thought, or feeling off the table.
That said, I want to hear and be heard in safety.
I want free flow and structure.
I want women who tend to withhold to come forth and speak; I want women who tend to dominate to choose what they speak.
This is the smallest town on the planet. I want what is said and heard to be confidential.
Women's Circle Protocol
6:00 PM – 7:00 PM. Free flow of conversation, eating, and drinking. I’ll provide a light, plain, inexpensive meal, water, and two bottles of red wine. If you’d like more or other, you are welcome to bring it.
7:00 PM. Circle of chairs. Round robin sharing. 5 minutes per person, with a timer. The speaker has the floor, is uninterrupted by others in the group, and shares about herself, rather than comments on the sharing of others. The timer is passed until 8:00 PM or until all who care to have shared.
8:00 PM – 10:00 PM. Free flow.
Each meeting will have a different group leader who will be the first to speak. She will use her first 5 minutes to present a topic or to pose a question and to share on the topic or question. When the timer is passed, the next woman may share on the group leader’s topic or question, or share on what is in her heart or on her mind. When the timer sounds, she passes the timer to the next speaker, and so on.
The way to keep a women’s circle safe is to 1) use “I statements” rather than “We statements” or “You statements,” 2) practice silence during another woman’s sharing, 3) practice a balance of speaking and listening, 4) answer the question, “How was women’s circle?” with no more and no less than “It was a good meeting.”
Women’s circles devolve 1) when a member has issues for which she is not seeking outside counseling and with which she burdens the group, 2) when a member focuses on the care-taking or advising (i.e. controlling) of other members rather than on her own experience of the group, 3) when a withholder withholds, 4) when a dominator dominates, 5) when a member attends irregularly, 6) when a group allows casual attendance by non-group members, 7) when who’s in the group and who’s not becomes known and an issue, 8) when a group member suggests a new group member for motivations other than the best and highest good of the group, 9) when any member betrays the confidence of any member of the group or of the group itself.
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"The Women's Circle Protocol" was written by Anne Giles Clelland.
It is a synthesis of various sources and experiences including:
The New Valley Girls, Fortune, 10/6/08
The Millionth Circle:
Sacred Circles:
Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy,
12-step recovery group protocols; Unity-based sharing protocols; study and research on group dynamics while earning a graduate degreee in counseling; group therapy protocols; experience as a group member, as a group facilitator, and others.
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