Yes, But...

An acquaintance devised this interesting acronym:

J	Justifying
A	Arguing
D	Defending
E	Explaining

She said, “When I find myself ‘JADE-ing’--justifying, arguing, defending, or explaining--I know I am trying to control the thoughts, feelings, or actions of others.  I am either attempting to make them do something, or not do something.  In either case, I’m trying to make them responsible for doing or not doing what I want, rather than taking responsibility for what I want and asking for it directly.  I know I attempt to control others based on past experience.  To my direct requests, I anticipate a very negative reaction."

I have found myself mentally “JADE-ing” recently, preparing lists of reasons why I think and feel the way I do. 

To change old patterns, to discover new ones, I must practice that all-important self-awareness:  What am I feeling and thinking?  What am I trying to control?

In my mind, I am preparing a defense of why I am not, or don’t want, to do or be what someone else wants me to do or be.

To my justifications, arguments, defenses, and explanations, I anticipate, “Yes, but…”

Others want me to be and do what they want.

Ah, it’s such a human wish:  Please.  Dance about who I am and what I do.

Comments

[Robert Giles]

A wolf pack has now been seen in Oregon, the first after over a century. Wolves display dominance (the alpha wolf idea). Other wolves are sub dominant, put up with a lot, but benefit by being within the pack. Some of us see dominance and want to be with it because its, safe, has benefits of many types. Maybe people see dominance and just want to be with you or the alternative, you to be with them. I'm dancing.